Sexual challenges are more common than you might think.  Here’s some insight on what can happen when working with a professional for support.

With the increase of sex positivity in today’s world, seeking support from a sex coach is rapidly becoming more accessible.  With shows like Love, Sex and Goop coming out on mainstream platforms, hiring a sex and intimacy coach has gained popularity in a big way over the last decade.

Why hire a Sex Coach?

Sex coaching can explore a wide range of topics – From sex education, to overcoming intimacy blocks, improving body image, building tools to negotiate desires, and finding more freedom in one’s authentic sexual expression.

Some common things that people might bring to a sex coach are:

• Performance anxiety
• Working with Erectile Dysfunction or Premature Ejaculation
• Struggling with low desire
• Changes to sexual pleasure after surgery/childbirth
• Communicating and discerning healthy boundaries
• Lack of intimacy or touch in long term relationships
• Painful sex or genital numbness
• Feeling comfortable with sex after traumatic or difficult experiences (Ask your coach about their specific training with trauma.)
• Difficulty talking about sex with partners
• Healing from shame and the impacts on body image, dating or sexual expression
• Unfulfilling sexual or intimate experiences (You sense there must be more)
• Challenges with pornography
• Expanding knowledge of BDSM/kink.
• Exploring a queer or emerging gender identity

Building Rapport and Establishing Trust

People often report that before stepping into session space they might feel nervous or have some butterflies.  This is totally normal!  The hardest part is showing up for that first session.  Once people see the space is attuned, respectful of boundaries (and can even be fun) I often see their whole body start to relax.  Each session is designed to work at your pace – tailored to your unique learning zone.

 It’s a co-collaborative process.  Many of us have been trained to override our own experience or move past our capacity. Your pacing, boundaries and voice are supported through each step of this process.

I might suggest some simple practices to help you build more nervous system regulation, which you can use at home to feel more grounded solo, or with partners and loved ones.

In session space sex can be talked about openly and candidly.  Cool fact – Our muscle for feeling more comfortable talking about sex grows the more we use it.  (Check out my other article on building sex positivity here.)

Assessment and Goal Setting

I’ll do an assessment to gain insights into a client’s sexual history, challenges, and visions for our work together. This is your place to explore what you want your relationship with sex, intimacy and your body to look like.  If you don’t know what your specific goals are yet, but have a strong call to the work, don’t worry, I’m happy to support you in getting more clear on your vision.

Coaching vs Sex Therapy –

Therapy is powerful work, often directed at healing what’s happened in the past.  A therapist might explore deeper into your “why” for certains ways of being in the world.  It often focuses on events that have happened in the past to create new narratives that are less charged and more empowering.  A therapist is better suited to support people through ongoing mental health challenges.

Coaching is more future focused, it’s directed by painting a picture of where you want to go.  It aims on creating tangible strategies to support you in moving towards your goals.

Many of my clients have had a great foundation in working with therapists and are looking to make a next step.  They are ready to make proactive changes in their world.

In one on my coaching sessions we focus on a combination of somatic work, embodied sex education and relationship tools.  We also uncover any belief blocks that might be getting in the way of you moving towards that vision.  

Therapy and coaching are both great for their own reasons.  If I sense a client is working with acute trauma, mental health challenges or addiction I may offer them some referrals or suggest working in tandem with a therapist.  

The Importance of Being Trauma Informed

While there are many advantages to working with a coach over a traditional therapist, it’s incredibly important to choose a practitioner who is trauma informed.  Even better if their trained to work with the resolving of trauma.

When we start to write new pathways around sexuality, we are inevitably going to be encounter the body’s lived experience around sexual trauma.  It’s arguably impossible to get to adulthood in our culture without experiencing microaggressions, shaming, or harmful experiences around sexuality.  Not all traumatic experiences are major, life changing events (We can refer to these as “Big T traumas” ).  There are also smaller, more subtle events that can have impact (We can call these “Little t traumas”).

Being trauma informed means a practitioner is trained in understanding how trauma can affect our experience.  A good trauma informed practitioner can track a client and keep an eye out for signed of overwhelm, freeze or high activation.  They can offer precious insight into one’s patterns around boundaries, voice and accessing pleasure.  

3 years of training with Somatic Experiencing International has offered me the tools to bring a trauma informed perspective to my practice.  This training has also given me the experience to support people with the resolving of trauma.  This process is gentle and involves a lot of resourcing, support and working with the body’s pace.    

Education and Skill-Building

Once there’s a clear understanding of the client’s needs, a sex coach can support through education and skill-building practices to empower in moving towards their goal.

From learning about pleasure, mastering communication strategies, to understanding more about desire and attraction, each session is designed to help you expand your toolkit.

Communication and Relationship Dynamics

Communication lies at the heart of satisfying sexual experiences and thriving relationships. Tools for naming desires, addressing conflicts, and bringing voice and choice back online.  Through role-playing exercises, active listening techniques, and real-time feedback, clients can learn to express their needs and desires with confidence.

Sexological Bodywork

“Sexological Bodywork® is a body-based educational modality that supports individuals, couples, and groups to learn to direct their erotic development and to deepen their erotic wellbeing and embodiment”

Sexological bodywork is a modality that supports client in moving emotions that can be stored in the body and pelvis.  Clients are able to map pleasure, re-sensitize the body, and create a felt sense of using voice and choice.  Breath, sound, movement, awareness, and client directed, one-way touch can be used.  

I will only bring this modality in with clients that have been grounded in boundary setting and communication work, and who are a full hearted yes to receiving touch as part of their learning.  

Final Thoughts: Embracing Sexual Empowerment

Working with a sex coach can be a massive game changer in empowerment, self-discovery, and healing blocks to intimacy. It’s a container for you to connect with your body, release held patterns and develop the tools to thrive.  It’s a space designed to support you in building sexual and realtional confidence.  

Curious to learn more?  Book a Discovery Call with Maxine